We got to talking about the words we use. While in training she was taught, “We don’t say dye, we say color your hair.” Of course that’s because dye sounds exactly like die which is related to death. Other phrases were, “Nails are polished not painted,” or “Dogs get clipped, people get cuts” However the one that really causes her to cringe is the stylist asking, “Do you like it?”

At first glance we might ask, “What’s wrong with asking for feedback?” Nothing, it’s not the asking for feedback – it’s the way of asking that doesn’t work. Imagine, I’m sitting there looking in the mirror being asked “Do I like it?” How do I answer that question? I don’t want to offend my stylist but at the same time something’s just not right. It’s a “Yes” or “No” question that needs more.

Now, change that question to, “What do you think?” Wow! There’s plenty of room to express my opinion, to get something tweaked without insulting my stylist. It’s an open-ended question. Open ended questions open the doors to clearer communication, better service and happier results. What’s to lose???

As a coach I work to ask open-ended questions of my clients giving them room to think outside the box. My questions come from curiosity, seeking to understand, never to judge or condemn, and they are almost always open-ended.

Questions that begin with “What do you…..” “Why would someone …..” “How will you ….” They cannot be answered by either a yes or a no. Sometimes the answer is “I don’t know” to which I respond, “If you did know, what do you think the answer might be?”

What kind of questions do you use? Whether you are a spouse talking with your partner, parent to teen, an employer talking with an employee, vendor, or customer the questions you ask either open or close communication.

When it comes to asking open-ended questions, what do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?

“Don’t wait!” Does that also mean “don’t plan”? I don’t think so. Winston Churchill said,

 “He who fails to plan, plans to fail.”

Never-the-less, once the plan is made, ever find yourself waiting for the “right time” or the “perfect tool” the “perfect conversation” before you take your next step? That can be the trap of the Perfectionist or the Introvert.  It can be Analysis Paralysis -  the inability to make a decision because there’s just too much information!

How can you know? Napoleon Hill says, “Don’t wait.”

One of my mentors from years past used to tell me, “Leona, you cannot steer a boat when the motor is idling.” We’re not talking trolling here, but when the motor is in neutral. In neutral the boat gets carried along by the current. If the current is leading you to Niagara Falls, well, maybe you want to make sure the motor isn’t in neutral!

I was afraid to make a decision – afraid it would be the wrong decision or the right decision at the wrong time. As small business CEO’s we can’t afford to let fear make our decisions.

Take action – then course correct if you have to.

Did you know that an airplane flying from Seattle to Hawaii is on course less than 5% of the time? Most the time it’s in course correction. How do they make it? By keeping their focus on the destination. So will we.

Make a decision, then take the first step. Course correct if necessary and keep your eye on the destination. Isn’t that better than sitting around waiting for the “just right” time, person, place, or thing?

To help you get into Action:

• If you have a project
• a New’s Year Resolution 
•  a really long To Do List you’d like to get going on

Sign up for the seminar “It’s Not Too Late to End the Year Great” and create an action plan, support, and get something checked off your list!

Go to http://www.simplyeffectivecoaching.comand read more about the workshop on June 2, 2012.

A few weeks ago I went to a conference in Vancouver B.C., hosted by Andrew Barber-Starkey from ProCoach Systems and led by Shawn Bearman called “Reclaim Your Power”. To say that the material presented was powerful is an understatement. WOW!

I’m always on the lookout for pragmatic practical easy to implement actions that can be taken to move me (and my clients) forward, to accelerate our success. This workshop promised such tools and Shawn delivered! I’ve been using her process ever since and I’m loving the difference!  Astounding changes can happen in just three heart beats!

Who or what is the greatest enemy to your success? Government policies, current economic conditions, your partner, spouse, kids, cat/dog? If your answer is anyone or anything outside you, you’re playing a victim/martyr. You are giving your power away to them!

The more insidious culprit is that “VOICE”. I call it Chucky, Shawn calls it “Identity”, others call it the “inauthentic self” or the “learned self”. Whatever we call it, when our actions are not in alignment with our “Higher Self / Authentic Self” the “Identity” is ruling. This seminar offers pragmatic tools for regaining the driver’s seat of your life.

If you want to experience a radical change in your thinking and better results in life or business, think about attending this seminar and plan a trip to Vancouver. It’s worth the time, money, and effort! I’ll let you all know when the next one is scheduled!

If you don’t want to wait, call or email me and I’ll help get you started, not in place of Shawn because she’s the best, but it’s too good a tool to wait and a little jump start never hurt anyone!

There’s something soothing about this statement from Mark Twain. It’s as if what is right or wrong is clearly defined and you and I, his readers, know the difference. Hence, some are gratified (those who also always do right) while others are astonished for knowing what is right, they choose to do something else (or they are astonished that you are choosing to do what is right)!

 “What’s ‘right’ is up for grabs.”

“It’s not so clear anymore” some say.“If it’s right for you great, but don’t lay your definition of right on me – I have different priorities and values and they are just as right as yours!” It’s like a mantra sometimes.

Today, May 1, 2012, we have going on right now in downtown Seattle, something that I think is clearly wrong. The Occupy Wall Street folks – at least that’s the biggest banner floating, are marching through Seattle. Nothing wrong with that – they got the permits and the permission to march. However, for some, they apparently think they also have the right to destroy property, (and not just business but personal property as well), and to accost / attack citizens who are not participating in the march. Hopefully it will end before turning into something more violent tonight when under the cover of darkness malevolent people seek to do more damage.

How did we as a people lose sight of what is right and wrong?

When did destruction of private property, or business property become OK?

Why is it OK to attack someone who doesn’t agree with you, but doesn’t obstruct your right to voice your opinion?

What about us business owners? What is right for us?

Will a small business stay in business if the owner has no clear understanding of what is right?  We build our businesses on TRUST. I trust you to do what you say you will do, to provide the quality of product and services at the prices you have quoted. You TRUST me to do the same. If that doesn’t happen, we have recourse without the violence. We have either the court system or social media, like Facebook, Twitter, Yelp which can make poor business practices known faster than the blink of an eye. It seems like we, the small business owners, know the difference between right and wrong. Maybe that’s part of what makes the business class so important?

There’s an old proverb that goes something like this: “Make me rich enough that I am not tempted to steal and poor enough to remember to be truly grateful”. Wish I could remember the source.

What do you think? In business are there absolutes? Or is right and wrong defined by what economic or intellectual culture you came from?

If you have an opinion, I’d love to hear from you. In the meantime, I hope you aren’t trapped in downtown Seattle!

Partly I think it’s comforting to realize that just about anyone can have a moment of insight that can lighten the world. This means I have the opportunity to gather nuggets of wisdom from around the world, I suppose much like a bee gathers honey from a variety of blossoms. I don’t always know a lot about the person whose quote is on my wall, but they shared their moment of insight with someone and now it is there – years later – to inspire me, to remind me of my values and priorities, and to prompt me to rethink and re-align when Life seems to overwhelm.

My love for quotes is what is behind “Reflective Options”. I take a quote that I like or inspires me and ask myself and my reader a question: Something to ponder and perhaps motivate a slight change, like Gulliver snipping one tiny rope of old behaviors at a time.  In case you don’t know to what I’m referring:  In Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift, Gulliver (our hero) finds himself washed ashore on an island inhabited by people no more than six inches tall. He awakens to discover he’s their prisoner. How could a six foot world traveler be held captive to people six inches tall? He is tied down by a multitude of tiny ropes – no one rope would be enough to hold him hostage, but together they ensure he is trapped. I think of counter-productive habitual behaviors as those tiny ropes – and each time we take the time to think about making a change in our behaviors we snip one of those ropes, eventually we are free.

The  intention behind Reflective Options  is to provide opportunities to think differently, to change one little way of thinking or to affirm a new way of seeing what is going on around us – and in so doing to snip one of those ropes that bind us to the past and to our limiting beliefs.

If you’d like to start the week with a quote and a question, with a touch of inspiration, check out Reflective Options for your MOnday Morning Inspiration. When you sign up you’ll receive a free copy of “How to Eat a Chocolate Elephant – A Planning Guide from Thought to Finish.” Be assured, your information will never be sold, rented, or given away!

Hope you enjoy Reflective Options as much as I enjoy bringing it to you!

What do I want?  I have to snicker because the first question that comes to mind is Byron Katie’s “Is that true?  Can you know that it is absolutely true?”  Perhaps another way to ask is “Do you want it enough to pay the price in time money and energy /effort to get it?” 

One of my teachers used to say, “There’s always enough time money and energy”  meaning of course that it’s a matter of priorities and choices made along the way.
 
Kenneth Blanchard says the difference between a goal and a dream is that the goal has a deadline.

What do you really desire? 
Are you willing to put in the time money and energy to get it?   If not, why not own it?   

What happens if you acknowledge that what you’ve been talking about getting / creating (but all you’ve been doing is talking) is something you really aren’t ready or willing to pay the price for?  Who’s going to be shocked?  Probably no one but you! ..

Also, consider this:  by holding onto something that I’m not willing to put in the time and effort and money for, I’ve got an energy suck going on that’s robbing me of mental energy for things that really are more important.  Why hold onto an “energy suck”?  Image maintenance maybe?  Keep someone off my back? 

But, if I’m really accountable for my results, I have to acknowledge I’m not getting the results I say I want because I don’t want them enough to get them.  What freedom!  .

 
If there’s a project you’ve been talking about, longing to finish, a New Year’s Resolution that you want to see resolved this year check out “It’s Not Too Late to End the Year Great!” at http://simplyeffectivecoaching.com/its-not-too-late-to-end-the-year-great-2 Register on-line for $20 discount.  It’s 4 hours to spend on your project plan, create clear action plan, establish support structures so you can savor the sweet delights of success.   

Tax season is upon us – and it seems seasonally appropriate to think about Accountability.  After all, with questions like “How much did I make?  How much did I spend and where did I spend it?  How much does the government get?” rattling around in our brains what a great time to practice Accountability – giving an account of our previous year’s efforts.  There’s the risk of some pretty ugly consequences if I don’t take the time to be accountable!

This week’s quote in Reflective Options is something Walter Anderson said.  He was a famous artist in the Southeast States.  Born in 1903 he died in 1965.  He wrote, “Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”  He also suffered from schizophrenia.

 I have client who suffers from this dread dysfunction.   Her willingness to be in accountable relationships with people who support her sane behavior is one of the key elements to her success.  It’s also one of her strengths.  She has learned first-hand the need to be honest with herself and her accountability partners.  Perhaps part of being accountable is also humility.  To humble oneself to recognize the need and create the support structures that will ensure the desired outcome.  For my client, 2 years ago her desired outcome was to be living on her own, not in a hospital, not in a group home, and not in her parent’s home.  Today, she lives in an apartment, in an apartment complex, on her own.  She is an amazing woman.

How would your life improve if you took the first and most difficult challenge by getting into accountability relationships with people who will hold the space for you to be honest with yourself and others about what your challenges are – and what you do to duck them?

Looking for an accountability partner? 

Looking for a group of business owners with whom you can share accountability and give and get feedback?

Call or email – both options are available at Simply Effective Coaching, LLC

How are you doing on those goals you set in January?  Not as far along as you’d like?  Dropped off the radar altogether?  You know, “It’s Not Too Late to End the Year Great!”.  It’s the name of a workshop on creating and reaching your goals.  Scheduled for June 2, 2012.    Cost is $97.  Early bird registration is $77.   Email and let me know you wnat to come.  I’ll get you signed up right away.

I need accountability!  AND I’m very grateful for my Success Partner, my MasterMind group, coaches and others who have in the past and those today who help me develop the habit of consistency.  Without that accountability and the consistency it engenders, the business owner that I am will never gain the advantage of the snowball effect of accumulative choices that lead to sustainable profit-creating habits.

How about you?  Do you, like many others, get more done within a shorter period of time when you have someone to whom you are reporting your results?  Have you discovered that if you are your own accountability partner your results can be less than stellar?

Never-the-less, I also resist being “held accountable” by another person.  There’s an intrinsic difference between creating an accountability relationship vs. having someone “hold you accountable”.  One comes from the inside and involves me voluntarily.  The other is superimposed by an outside force.  The one I run toward – the other away from!

My frustration comes when employers talk about holding their employees accountable, but refuse to be accountable for their decisions and actions toward those same employees. There’s a deceptive attitude of entitlement that wants to lift them above being accountable to their employees.  The results show up in employee turnover (overt reaction) or employees who grumble, take long breaks, lie, steal, or cheat, etc. (covert reactions).  The employer accountability cannot be just the bottom line, the profit/loss statement.  Not if they want to sustain profitability!

It’s not just in business that accountability is important.  Consider politics, religion, education as well as family life.  Where the leaders are not accountable for their actions the results are disastrous.

That’s why I choose Dan Zadra’s comment about Accountability for this week’s Reflective Options:  “True freedom begins and ends with personal accountability.”   Whatever it is we want as parents or business owners it begins and ends with personal accountability.  What do you think?  How big a role is accountability in your success? 

As a side note:  Would you like a short sometimes sweet and sometimes pithy bit of inspiration on Monday Mornings?  For a quote and a question or two to ponder – Go to the column on the right side of my website where it says “Sign Up for Reflective Options”  Sign up and you’ll also receive a copy of “How to Eat a Chocolate Elephant – A Planning Guide for When It’s Got to be Done and You’re the One Who’s Got to Do It”.  Be assured your name and information will never be sold, rented, or given away!

Hi Folks:  Due to a technical glitch (my learning curve!) I just discovered this blog did not post on March 27th which was it’s intended date!  Imagine my chagrin!  Here it is – and the blog for April 3rd will post April 7th.  I’m getting the hang of it – and thank you for your patience!

We’ve talked about how change is hard and it’s inevitable. Faced with a change I don’t want and wasn’t even given the opportunity to voice my opinion about, now what do I do? The following are questions I ask myself and my clients – whether the change pertains to business or life in general. Remember: When you are small, business IS personal!

1) Do I have any control over the event? Remember what Epictetus said last week? “Some things are within our control and some things are not”

2) What if I choose to do nothing? Now doing nothing includes not complaining behind the backs of leadership, no personality assignations behind closed doors AND no complaints about where the change takes us.

3) Does this change violate my values? If so, then by all means take action, appropriate action. What’s appropriate?
       a) Communicate with those who can affect change – not people who can’t.
       b) Communicate with respect for them as fellow human beings. That means ask to meet with them at a time that is convenient. Remember everyone lives by WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?) so be ready to answer the question “Why?” in a way that speaks to their benefit.
       c) Acknowledge the problem and their desire for a solution and your concerns with possible ramifications of their solution.
       d) Provide an alternative solution, demonstrating how your solution will solve their problem.
       e) Receive feedback,and if your solution isn’t accepted ask more questions to better understand how to tweak your solution.
4) Don’t let your need to be right outweigh your need to be effective. You want your message heard, so here are some DON’T’s to remember:
       a) Don’t go underground and create an atmosphere of hostility and rebellion.
       b) Don’t speak in anger or disrespect. Everyone deserves to be treated the way you want to be treated.
       c) Don’t let your anger determine your actions. Two thoughts to remember:
                     i) anger is always a mask for some other emotion – what’s going on inside you that you are getting angry? What are you believing about you? What limiting belief is getting triggered?
                    ii) Cooler heads will prevail
5) Ultimately remember there are 2 healthy ways to resolve win/win
a) you both agree
b) you agree to disagree and go your separate ways – still a win/win.

Either way you won’t have a messy wake to clean up, burnt bridges to rebuild or a reputation to salvage. “Trying to control or change what we can’t only results in torment” [Epectatus]

Assuming we are in agreement my question is, “What does the inevitability of change mean for me as a member of an organization, as a small business CEO, and as a human being who is a member of a family and community? I think it means options:

1) I can embrace change as a reality or resist it. From my perspective: Things are going to change. How much are they going to change? Who knows? Humanity seems to live on a pendulum swing of extremes. Whether it’s political, religious, relationships, or perceived wants vs. needs we seem to go from one extreme to the other. As long as energy is put into the system the ride continues. I can attempt to resist it, but my resistance serves to add more chaos and anxiety and believe it or not – more energy. What we resist persists!

2) I can exercise some discernment. Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher wrote, “Know what you can control and what you can’t…happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.” [The Art of Living, interpreted by Sharon Lebell, available through Harper Collins]

3) Having discerned what I can and can’t change I am free to take appropriate action, actions that align with my values and priorities.

Not sure what that might be? Next week I’ll offer some questions I ask myself and my clients when faced with change.

Looking for a short snippet of inspiration? Sign up for Reflective Options, just a Quote and a Question to ask yourself. Sign up at www.simplyeffectiveoptions.com and receive your own copy of “How to Eat a Chocolate Elephant – A Planning Guide for getting it done when You are the one who has to do it!”